the mind geek

obsessed with mental health

The soundtrack of my depression 

I’ve always had a strong emotional connection to music. Music can intensify or even alter my mood. Music can trigger emotions and memories. For this reason, I am picky about what I listen to. When I was depressed, I mainly listened to songs that expressed how I was feeling. I think I found comfort in them. Those songs made me feel less alone when I felt all alone. They expressed things I couldn’t put into words myself.

When I got well, I stopped listening to music almost altogether. All my existing playlists consisted of songs that reminded me of being unwell. Some songs remind me of being in hospital. Some songs remind me of lying in bed, crying and feeling hopeless. I didn’t want to recreate those feeling, or even think of theses times.

Recently, however, I decided to rediscover music. First I started listening to the music I used to love before I got really depressed, and then stopped listening to because it was ‘too happy’. Then I started to look for new music. I took a while for me to figure out what kind of songs I want to listen to these days. I still stay clear of songs of sadness and misery. The emotions in a songs penetrate straight into me, whether I like it or not. So I found new songs that I love.

The soundtrack of my depression

  • Ingrid Michaelson – Keep breathing
  • Plumb – Cut (the self harm hymn)
  • Plumb – Damaged (the abuse hymn)
  • Stars – Heart (album) (what I listened to most in hospital)
  • Brandi Carlile – Tragedy
  • Evanescence – Breathe no more
  • Evanescence – My immortal (the classic)
  • Rent OST – Will I
  • Scala – Hungriges Herz (the heartbreak hymn)

Today’s favourites

  • Kelela – All the way down
  • Ingrid Michaelson – You got me
  • Nina Nesbitt – 18 Candles
  • Little Dragon – Nabuma Rubberband (album)
  • Liane La Havas – What you don’t do

What’s your soundtrack?


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This entry was posted on February 28, 2016 by in On my mind and tagged , , , , .
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